Since coming here almost sixteen months ago, I (Alicia) have enjoyed having a helper in the house. I admit it has been a huge relief not to have to worry about cleaning and laundry and cooking since we have been here; for the most part anyway. However, I have discovered that many times our self-worth is wrapped up in our job. My job back home was taking care of my house and my family. Since I have been here, someone else has been given the job of taking care of my home. This has caused me to struggle with my self-worth. There are many times when I feel I am not "needed." The plus side is it has allowed me time to try to organize and plan our time better here, especially our evening routines with homework and bedtime and such. But this is a realization I have only recently accepted and latched onto as a blessing. So, now I am able to focus more of my attention on the kids and making sure their needs are being met…which is a good thing, no, a great thing!
However, last night I (and Kenny, much to our sorrow) found out what happens when that "job" is challenged. Thursday Kenna had another asthma attack at school. Of course, they took good care of her at school. After school we took her to our doctor friend for her to check her out. She told us what medicine to give her and to bring her back if she did not improve. Well, that night she did not sleep at all hardly. She continually woke up coughing and wheezing and had to do her inhaler three times during the night. We kept her home from school so we could keep an eye on her.
Well, that night she had a birthday party to go to. It was supposed to be a sleepover, but I told her I wanted her to be home at night so I could keep an eye on her. Well, when Kenny went to pick her up she asked him again if she could stay. Turns out her friends brothers have asthma so her mom is familiar with what to look for and how to handle attacks, so Kenny let her stay (Bre was there too and promised to keep an eye on her as well).
Poor Kenny when he got home, and it really did not have to do with him. Of course, I did not come to this realization until early in the morning (like 1 a.m.). It had more to do with my self-worth again. It was the only "job" I had left, taking care of the kids, and now someone else could do that too. Now, please understand as I am sitting here writing this that I realize how ridiculous it is, but at the time it was a genuine hurt, even if it was greatly exaggerated! Even so, I had to offer many apologies to Kenny this morning for my overreaction.
This is just an example of what happens when we judge our value by earthly standards. One thing that I see about the people here is that they don't just live in a community, they are a community. As an American, we are raised to think of ourselves…that is my house, my job, my family. Instead of appreciating the fact that there are others who can help us, we struggle with the concept we were raised with that I will take care of what is "mine." That is what I did last night. Instead of being thankful and appreciative that this mom was willing capable of taking care of Kenna so she could stay and enjoy the party, I became bitter that she was doing "my" job. If I had gotten my way, Kenna would have come home very upset, slept fine all night, and missed a fun party with all her friends just because I was feeling threatened, unnecessary, and selfish. It sure would be nice if we could learn these lessons without hurting the people we love the most!
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